What I Am Doing Today

I am well aware that today is my real due date (of the two calculation methods we looked at for my initial appointment with the midwives, the farther one was chosen simply because it affords me more time to go into labor on my own before an induction is required.  The other date is more accurate- the one that says I’m due today.)  I feel like I must be the only woman who has previously given birth and yet still made it to (and in all likelihood, past) the due date.  Even my midwife told me to “visualize going into labor at about 39 weeks” because that is apparently how it happens with second-time-moms.  Except for me.

I have been woken up at about 3 AM with contractions every night for the past 4 nights.  They were regular and strong the first two nights.  What’s more frustrating than that?  They weren’t so regular or strong the last two nights.  More frustrating than that?  Any progress those contractions gave me is nowhere to be found today.  I won’t do much cervix talk… but I hate my cervix.

So what I am doing today is having a pity party.  I am considering studying twice as long for my trigonometry test because it is almost a sure thing that I will have uncomfortable contractions again tonight, wake up and not be able to get enough rest, and be distracted through the test.  I will almost surely learn later that said contractions have not given me any progress.

So today, I study for a trigonometry test.  I create documents and newsletter templates for my business.  I respond to e-mails and phone calls.  And then…

I take tylenol for the the back ache and the hip pain caused by the fetus lodging her head in my hip, despite my many attempts to move her.  I surrender to the feeling of disappointment in this persistently mal-positioned baby and wonder what c-section recovery is like.  I assess the extensive damage to my figure and begin to plan a recovery period which includes taking back my @#$#@!$! metabolism.  But for now, I eat carby, salty foods and forget about the eggplant parmesan.  Forget about the pineapple.  Forget about the spicy foods.  Forget about the water.  Forget about the evening primrose oil.  Forget about the red raspberry leaf.  Forget about hypnosis tracks.  Forget about the yoga ball.  Forget about acupressure.  Forget about the baby-turning exercises.  Forget about exercise at all.

Sentiment of the day is this: I have suffered through morning sickness.  Through discomfort at every stage.  Through a full-term pregnancy.  I will devote the rest of my life to the fetus and her sister.  So this day- this #%#$%#$ day- this is my day.  I will cry if I want to.


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